Aug 5th 2010

I was trying to keep it separate.

I thought, things have gotten too much, the wrong people have been reading me and I can no longer be honest.

So I created this blog.  Anonymous.  

Well, it was at first.  Then I got comfortable and opened up more then I had planned.  Soon, things got blended again.

Like my Facebook and Twitter.  I had the old accounts and when I created this blog, I created new ones for my blog buddies.  
People started to wonder what happened to me. Why I stopped using them.   Some I had to tell about the new accounts, some I have not.  
I've heard so many people, mostly women,  say on the blogging communities that they regret having given out blog/facebook/myspace/twitter urls to certain people.  I know how they feel.  I thought I had dealt with everything I needed to deal with  but sadly it seems today I have not.

I no longer know what I am doing.   I no longer know where my head is at or my heart for that matter.

Confusion, Chaos and Cookies (I needed another "C" word) seems to be the order of the day.

I think I need to leave for a while

I've just finished 2 of the book reviews that were pressing down on me, and an interview with one author.

My sister's boyfriend has indeed proposed to her. And since he's in the middle of his divorce from his first wife, it's going to be at lest a year but it's coming.

My doctor thinks I have a few fractures in my lower back and hips.  I'm going for x-rays today to find out more. 

My dad called out of nowhere yesterday saying he's got cancer and it's really bad.  This is a man who I haven't heard from in 10 years and who spent the first 26 years of my life telling me why he wished I was dead.

And Mr. S.  is dating someone else.

Wednesday July 21

Doorbell rang, woke me up.  Another book for review arrived by FedX
I'm already 2 weeks behind and have 3 other books sitting here.  

I haven't been to anyone's blog in about three weeks to visit, and I need to.

I wrote a short story on my Domestic and Damned blog, for Mr. S.  a piece of it was used on the show by one of the other wrestlers.   I was so excited I can not tell you.  It's not just Mr. S. anymore who likes my work.

As I checked my emails this morning,  there was a request from another writer asking to freelance on my vampire themed blog.   I checked out their stuff but I said no,  I am not looking to share any of my blogs with anyone again.  Just wondering how my blog got listed for a freelancer anyway?

And to cap off everything.    Men.
I was asked out on the weekend by a new guy. Another single dad.  I said yes to coffee, but he canceled last minute Saturday night.  I'm not really surprised or upset for that matter.  He just was not my style. 
Darius.  Darius whom I have not spoken to in a month because of his tantrum over Mr. S.  he emailed me Thursday night out of the blue acting as if nothing was different.  That seems to be his pattern.  I did not reply to him.  He emailed me again on Sunday.  I did not reply to him.  Then last night he emailed me saying he was talking to my mother. 

What the hell?  My mother?  Because I would not return an email. So I replied telling him off.  Within a few minutes he sent another email begging me not to shut him out. 
I was on chatting with Mel when all this happened, and Mel could not believe it either. 
And this is a guy I was only friends with.  If he acts like this with me, then no wonder his girlfriend dumped him. 

Coffee is ready going to have a very large cup and try to wake up. 

Johnny Depp needs to break away from Tim Burton

I saw Alice in Wonderland the other night, and um yeah what was he thinking?

This is like the 3rd film in a row that Depp and Burton have done that have been crap just crap.   (Willy Wanka and Sweeney Todd being the other two. Actually make it 4 total as Corpse Bride sucked too.  Maybe it's not Tim Burton he needs to run from but Burton's wife  Helena Bonham Carter? )

I had been really looking forward to this as I am a major Depp fan, then again who isn't right,  right,  but this just sucked goat backwards it really did. 

I've read two different versions of the story,  the "kid's"  version and the real one.   And if you have not read the real version then you are needing to, cause it's not really for kids.  

I've seen a few other film companies do their versions of AIW in the last year and a half trying to beat this one, and they were much better.  This was just such a let down. 

Thursday July 8th 2010

 My sister's boyfriend had his surgery for the gullstones.  He was feeling really good Tuesday night afterwards,   but is paying for it now.  As of last night, he could not move the pain is too much.  Not sure if my sister the Goddess has gone to work today or not, and to top it all off, they have the kids this weekend.  My sister has taken her role as step-mom with courage. 

We've hit a heatwave.  Nearly +40 degrees Celsius here for the last week.  I'm not good with heat at all.

Nerd by Numbers continued

I replied to the Cliched Nerd's email and it was a big mistake.

"So are there any dungeons around here?"   This is what the Cliched Nerd from the dating site asked me.   I told him I wasn't into that he was asking the wrong girl.  Cliched Nerd did not believe me, and thought I was being "cute"  and went into a launch about how all goth girls are into  bondage and S/M.

" Um  what makes you think that?  And where on earth did you get the idea I am a goth girl? "

"You like vampires.  All goths are into the extreme."  he replied.

I did not reply back.   Yes I like vampires,  no I do not like goth or extreme sex.  It's not my style at all.  And I find it so damned typical of guys lately.   Just because I like vampire movies does not make me a goth or anything else for that matter. 

Another unsuitable suitor bites the dust.

Nerd by Numbers

Everyone has a totally geeky side to them.  Things I find rocking will be of laughter to someone else.
I got asked out by a guy who looks like he jumped right out of a bad ad copy for Geeky Frat Boys or something.

Normally, I love nerdy men.  But this guy is too much of a cliche.  
Mel thinks I should go out with this guy anyways, even though I'm not interested.   Part I think because I talked him into dating a girl who had a thing for him that he was iffy on.  Part I think to get my mind off of Mr. S.

I haven't been on a date in a year so I might... just for a reason to get out of the house.   But that would make me a hypocrite if I dated someone I didn't like just for something to do while I waited around for Mr. Right. 

Wouldn't it?