Monday, June 14, 2010

Get over yourself

Remember Jordan the Gay Guy I bumped into him again. I was out of coffee, so I hobbled down to the Tim Hortons at the end of the street. And there he was, sitting at a table right in the corner of the window with his little "pack" of groupies.

"Oh my god! You look tres tres tired. It's so chic very you." JTGG said in his girly squeal. I think I managed a smile. It was meant as a smile, but I confess it might have come off as a snear. There was a time JTGG was one of the closet people in my life, but since he got in with his new group of friends, he's become one of the fakest people around. "Look at you, where have you been hiding? "

Where have I been hiding? I hadn't realized I had been. I got my large double double and turned knowing I would be stuck chatting. I didn't like the way his friend was looking at me. Female friend. For as short as JTGG is, this girl was the opposite. She must have been close to 5'11 and as skinny as a toothpick. Her clothes were hanging off her. She gave me the creeps. Let me just say, that as much as Sex and the City has been a craze here fashion wise, so has Twilight. We have a few guys running around town who could be stand ins for the actor who plays Edward in those movies, as well as half the teenaged female population copying the Bella Swan look. She was a Bella-Wannabe down to the speech pattern. I wish I had gotten photos I really do.

We chatted about my novel for a moment, as I waited for him to mention his "designing" which was all he talked about last time. He said nothing, so I asked. He rolled his eyes and laughed saying that he had been stoned that last day when he talked to me. There's a shocker for ya. But that he was still into it. Then started going on about having seen the movie September Issue the documentary about Vogue's Anna Wintour. (Good movie by the way. ) Then he started picking at my hair. My short little pixie-ish cut hair.
This is where his friend really started to creep me out, and the point to the title of this post. She sat up a little straighter, and started asking me where I lived, that she'd seen me at the Blockbuster a few times. JTGG rolled his eyes at me again and looked over his shoulder at her telling her to not bother.
"She's only into the penis. Penis, penis, penis!"

Now, here I am standing in a small donut shop filled with seniors, the local chapter of the Hell's Angels, a table of giggling teenagers and JTGG's little band of gay friends. I'm a very pale woman, very pale. When I blush it's like a large fuschia stain from the tip of my hairline to the hem of my clothes. And here we were with everyone gaping at us like dead fish while the little gay man screamed the word penis over and over again. And I was trapped standing there for a few more minutes before he finally said he needed to get back to his table.

Now really wishing I gone to the grocery for the coffee instead.


  1. Oh my gosh. He sounds . . . . interesting. Sorry you had to go through that.

  2. Sadly enough the highlight of my weekend.