OMG! The Designer

"You know like Robert Lee Grant's character in that fashion movie" Jordan The Gay Guy said.

"You mean Richard E Grant." I know I should not have been so snippy, but we were standing in line at the pharmacy, me in pain from the shoulders down, hunched over and just the last thing I had wanted was to bump into Jordan.

"Right whatever hahaha" he said. Picture this, a 5 foot 3 boy-man (no figure to his form) with thick dreadlocks, platform shoes (which put him at 5 foot 9) combat patterned pants in red and black, and a see through shirt under a black hoodie. Did I mention the blue clip on hair extensions that were sprouting out of his dreadlocks like weeds, and the glittery blue eye shadow that looks like it has been put on drunkenly in the dark. He had spotted me, ran over gave me a big hug and started telling me about what he's up to now.
JTGG used to be married to a former friend of mine. The Designer. The Designer is Sophia's sister (Wannabe Socialite) Ten years ago, everyone who met JTGG would ask if he was gay, as he always had a great fashion sense (no idea what happened to him) and is very girly in his speech/gestures. He would always say very angrily "no not gay". They were married for seven years, then one day JTGG admitted he might actually be "Bisexual" and within two months of that left the Designer for his boyfriend and came out completely.

When he decided to become the poster child for bad gothic club kids I have no idea. It's as if the second he came out of the closet, he left his real fashion self on the shelf. Seriously, it's as if he's trying too hard to be gay. Like now that he's out, he is trying to live up to the cliched version of a gay man you see in movies all the time. It's sad really. I hope he grows out of it and just realizes that he can be sexually free in jeans and a tee shirt. Or just go totally drag.

Yes I know I sound like the fashion swat team but had you known him five years ago, you would be feeling the same fashion shame now.
So it seems he's gotten into design himself now. Said he watched a tribute to Alexander McQueen on television last week and "finally understood what his ex wife was always getting at".

This I can not see going too far. And the fact he declared his "muse" to be a character from a movie that was a mockage on the very industry he now claims to be wanting part of... well you do the math.

Hugh Dillon Video!

Was just going around and found a copy of his video. So just have a coffee and groove

SAH...Do I have to?

I miss working outside of the house.
Miss the years I worked in an office, miss the years I worked at the local television station, miss the years I worked with the flower delivery company as a secretary.

After my back injury 13 years ago, I landed on disability, and for that first year I was like "whoopie I have all this time to write"
That got old fast. Now, I would just like a reason to get out of my pajamas every day and have someplace to go.

I have a briefcase and travel mug that would like to be used. Seriously, I actually still have a briefcase. One of those hard cased ones. It sits in the corner of my living room covered in dust because I haven't been able to use it in 13 years. I'm suddenly feeling very American Psycho. You know the part where the lead character is talking about the one up-manship of the business cards. Yeah, that's how we were with our briefcases.
While on the topic of movie office gear, you know the scene in Reality Bites when Ryder's character holds up her dayplanner and it's jam packed with pages and sticky notes, yeah mine used to look like that too. Now, it is very empty and thin. Just when did my dayplanner go on a diet anyway?

Riders on the Storm

"Why does he call you Lizard? " Mel asked me about an hour ago. This was a skype chat by the way. I didn't answer him at first. Just kind of smirked. I had shown Mel an old clip from a million years ago (1994) of me with Vlad. "You don't want to tell me do you?"

There wasn't much to tell really. Vlad was this guy I knew back in high school and college. He was a major Doors fan. It's one of the things we bonded over. That and vampires. That is along story in itself. Vlad I mean. Talking about him could take up half a months worth of blog posts.
Anyway, the movie The Doors had come out when we were still in high school. But by the time we had gotten to college, it was out on tape (yeah vhs remember that folks) so everyone was jazzed over the whole idea of rediscovering the "scene".
Vlad and I used to sit in the little coffee house we hung out in, each dressed in our version of Jim Morrison's look.
Yes, me a girl dressed like Jim Morrison. And I looked damn good too. That's really about it, I got the "Lizard" as a nic name for awhile.

Sigh to be young enough still to think that you can be that cool forever.

Damn It's Cold Here

Photo by Me copyright hcvp 2010

That is a shot of my coffee mug.
Can you see the steam?


So it's been one of those days where nothing has gone the way I have planned.
One being that it's -26 C with a windchill of -35 C
Which makes it too cold for me to leave the house today. The ice rink that has been covering the city for the last few weeks had finally melted out over the past couple of days, and now we hit a deep freeze.
I swear there is a very pissed off little ice gnome somewhere just waiting and laughing at me.
I'm indoors, wearing long full pajamas, a knee length sweater and my nose is still running. How is that possible?

The Goddess was sick all week. So of course that is all I have heard about from Mom. Well, the Goddess is working in an office now, in a tight space with people hacking and snotting on her, she was bound to get sick. It is still prime time for colds and flues in this city. Didn't help any that my sister the Goddess went partying on the weekend. No I do not feel sorry for her.

And my big plan for the weekend is to get to the grocery, get the ingredients for a mock Seal Flipper Pie.
Seal Flipper Pie is a Newfoundland dish that uses seal meat. It's very much a version of Shepherds Pie. My plan is to make a Vegetarian version using the tofu soy product meat stuff.
That's if the weather warms up enough tomorrow for me to get out.
Should be interesting as I have never tried either before.

Love/Hate

Joshua and I got into a massive fight last night.
Over, you guessed it, wrestling. I swear it will be the death of me yet it will.

He's easing himself out of the business, and I am still trying to get into it. From a writer's point of view. If you have been reading this much then you know I have O.I. (there is a link to the wiki page on the sideboard) and could never in a million years be a wrestler.

Sad pathetic little me.

Anyway, the fight was pretty typical of us. This in turn became the topic of the evening with SDG.
Who does not care for Joshua anyway. SDG thinks Joshua is a bad influence on me. Then again SDG thinks everything and everyone are bad influences on everyone and everything to begin with.

So all my friends hate each other. But since most of them are only in my life right now by internet, it doesn't matter socially speaking.

But the fight got me thinking. If I can't agree with someone on a topic that is fairly small in regards to the big picture; will I ever be able to have a good relationship with a man?
Am I relationship material if I can't get out of my own personal space?

I know I will never be mommy material, that is just not who I am. But is it time to give up on the idea of ever being married?

If my friends refuse to support me career wise, and I am so quick to fight them on it, can I ever be stable with a long term relationship?

SDG's husband, just thinks Joshua does not want to admit Mr. S. might be a possibility in my life.

I am starting to feel like I fell down a rabbit hole. Only instead of Wonderland, it's Wrestlemaina.

It's just a scratch

The Nurse's husband poo-pooed me the other day. Told me that maybe I hurt Mr. S 's feelings with my main blog and the fact I am always going on about someone else.
I had to stop and think about this. It's possible. I know when I wrote few months back about wrestler #3 on one of my other blogs (remember I have more then one account and more blogs then I care to count) Mr. S cut a promo shortly after that made direct remarks to a comment I had written about not having had the belts.

This is getting complicated.

I started to think of a line in one episode of Sex and the City when Carrie is out with a new gay friend and Stanford ends up hurt, and she says "I was so busy with my new gay boyfriend that I forgot about my gay husband"

I am suddenly feeling this way after what the Nurse's husband said to me about my blog.
Only it's more a case of "I was so busy with my new Internet boyfriend I forgot about my Internet husband."
I have always figured that being in the business they are, nothing rattles them. It seems I am totally wrong. I know awhile back Darius had said Mr. S. likes me. But I sort of pushed it off as Darius trying to make me feel better, now I am honestly wondering. Did I hurt Mr. S 's feelings and if so how much?
I did a post on my main blog the other day about it, some of the feedback was positive, some not so much.

It's weird to care about someone you have never actually met, who you only know a small part of. But us bloggers do it every day with each other, so how would Mr. S. be any different if he's reading me so often?
I can honestly say I have been going in circles emotionally for the 2 days thinking about this.

I flipped the page and....

The conversation went like this.

Joshua " I got to the scene with him in the hospital and was like a giant penis what?"

He was referring to my manuscript. I started giggling.
"It's a heavy story, thought it needed some laughs. And what is more funny then the penis? Come on admit it, you found the joke funny. It works doesn't it?"

"Yeah babe it does but it's just so shocking out of nowhere."

I am not going to tell you yet about my novel, still at the stage of having the editor look at the first draft. So, I can't tell you about it any more then that.

What I can tell you is I got the idea for this penis joke that Joshua was shocked by, from the film Dark Side of the Heart Which is this brilliant 1992 Spanish film. It's main character is a poet who is looking for the One. When he finds her, it ends up she's a hooker. This causes all sorts of issues. The film has been one of my favourites for nearly 20 years. The idea that Death is his best friend, and you are never sure if Death is for real or just part of his imagination. The scene that always stuck out in my mind is one where the Poet and a group of his artist friends are pushing a giant penis statue down the middle of main street to take to a wedding as a gift.
It's such an out of nowhere scene that makes little sense at first then seems to tie together a few other themes in the movie. If you can find a copy and happen to like subtitled films, I highly recommend seeing it. The dialogue alone is worth it, as 90% of the lead character's speeches are poems.

But You Really Are Huge In Europe

I was sitting here having a good day. Checking messages, when I got an invite from Sophia the Wannabe Socialite.
She's directing a play here tomorrow night at the community theater. Nothing out of the ordinary on that. As I was reading the invite, I spotted something. Deacon's name in the cast list.
This was bad.
I sent an email that went pretty much like this to her "You actually f**cking expect me to come to a play that is starring Deacon are you f**ked in the head?"

I have said before that I have a temper. I don't even want to know how long they have been friends/coworkers/etc that they are. I see nothing but red when it comes to Deacon.

Clearly after 6 years I am still not totally over the whole thing. Seriously, he had me believing he was going to marry me and then poof, he walked out and I spot him 6 months later with another woman. Literally. He made comments about a future together, and then said he needed to go to the store for cigarettes on his way to work and that was it. Never came back.

I just spent pretty much the last two hours spitting nails. Blog Partner picked today to email me, and I had to vent on someone. BP kept reminding me that even though Sophia "may or may not" be involved with Deacon, they will never make it out of this crappy city and I on the other hand, have gotten the attention of Mr. S, as well as having regular readers world wide cause of the wrestling blog.
True. Very true. I am running a wrestling blog that not only is read by wrestling fans, but by the wrestlers themselves and the companies they work for. And have been linked to Mr. S's official website as well having had my blog posts not only turned into story lines on the show more then once (big love to whoever it is that read my stuff and thought I was good enough to use) but two of the biggest "official spoiler" sites have started "blog wars" with me.
Which is good in the fact it means the guys who get paid to blog about it see me as an equal. I'm moving up in the world.

When I look at it in black and white, there is no reason to see red.

Feb 18th 2010

"You sure you can handle this?" Darius asked me about my new semi-job working for my aunt.

"I have to." I said as I sipped my coffee. Okay I gulped and slurped it loudly so that I didn't have to hear him make the points he was trying to make. "Besides, it's nice to feel needed." I added maybe a little too rudely.

I used to work as a secretary back when I was in high school for my dad's company as well as the flower delivery company I worked briefly for. So I can handle this. Though, it's been 20 years since high school and the flower delivery company was over 4 years ago. But I doubt I'll have any ring rust.
Besides, this is going to be running a few blog sites and twittering and that line of it. All networking, all web stuff.

"You have been complaining you don't have enough time now to run your wrestling blog and work on your novel as it is."

GGGGRRRR. Why is it that men always have to point out things like that?

Taste the addiction

Photo by Me copyright hcvp'09

For the last two nights, I have had homemade soup for dinner.
I made a batch of Red Pepper Soup back in Dec. and froze half. Which I originally posted on my cooking blog here
I should not have been hungry after having a bowl of this. But I was last night. Or so I thought. It wasn't that I was hungry, it was I was not satisfied. I had to go and make a package of ramen noodles at 10:30pm last night.
Yes, I have had so much of it, that my body is craving it now like an addict.

Red Pepper Soup

1 stalk celery
1 large mushroom
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon butter.
3 cups water
1 red pepper
4 leaves fresh oregano
1 cup uncooked pasta
1/2 cup sliced green beans
1 can stewed tomatoes
extra water as needed.

Chop the celery and mushroom and saute them with the butter and garlic for 3 minutes, then add the water. Let simmer on medium heat for half hour.
Cut the pepper into strips and add it to your mix, stir and continue to simmer now on a lower heat for another half hour, pinch up the oregano leaves and add. Stir. continue simmering for another 15 minutes.
Add the green beans and the stewed tomatoes, stir, add extra water if needed, simmer for another 15 minutes then add uncooked pasta.
Let simmer with lid on for another half hour.

So Caleb?

Here's the situation. I have a massive crush on Caleb, who I have been talking about since the beginning of the blog and someone I haven't actually "met -met" yet.

Caleb is a coworker of a friend of an ex lover.
I know it's like being back in high school sitting at the cafeteria and sitting a table away from the cool kids every day. Or so that's how it feels to me.

My ex lover Bry, is a computer tech. He's friends with Ian who works with Caleb. I spotted Caleb at a wrestling event years ago and didn't think anything of it. Then this last fall, I saw him again and was, well instant crush. Out of nowhere. But, I haven't actually been introduced properly.
It's one of those situations where we "know of each other" but have never actually hung out.
Like I said, it's like being back in high school or something.

And no one has a straight answer for me on him. Starting to think everyone is telling me something different just to torture me.
According to SDG's husband Caleb is totally single. According to Joshua, Caleb isn't. Mel says' Caleb is not even straight, and Darius hasn't seen him with anyone so has no clue.
SDG doesn't think I could ever be with him anyway, as she feels he's totally out of my league.
The Goddess just shrugs and reminds me that Caleb isn't even from here and will be going back to wherever he's from in a few months anyway so why bother.

I hate agreeing with the Goddess. But in this case, she maybe right.

I feel the sudden urge to zip down the halls with a stack of books and hand in a history report before skipping class to watch the boys play hockey.
Is high school ever truly over or are we stuck in that awkward social structure forever?

I hate this time of the month

I'm hiding.
Plan and simple. I just can't handle seeing all the happy shinny couples right now. I get so depressed.

I spent 7 hours straight Friday night doing 3 reviews for the wrestling blog. Blog Partners' columns and my own. Starting to feel like it just isn't worth it. Starting to just want to give up.
But I won't. I can't.

Watched the BBC version of EMMA today. Way behind for my Jane Austen book group. Internet group.
It got me thinking. About homes, and what we put into it. Our dream vs our reality. I envy anyone who makes it. I mean that. I really envy anyone who can bridge the gap between the dream life they have for themself and the real life they end up with.
I am so far from my dream self. Not even sure what she looks like anymore.
I know one thing, my dream self never lived here in this crappy city. My dream self always lived someplace overlooking the sea. Like the coast of Newfoundland or Ireland. Not here. I have two very different dreams that I would love to find a way to combine. One is living the ultimate artistic life in some posh artist's loft with a studio and gallery, drinking martini's every night and married to some sexy photographer/artist, my books number one sellers.
The other one is married to a fisherman living in a small house overlooking the water, owning a little cafe/metaphysics shop in some little town, having friends over every Sunday.
Two very different dreams with one thing in common. Married to some hot guy who looks like Mr. S. or Caleb.

I don't want to think what Caleb might be doing for Valentine's or who he might be with. That would just depress me more.

Is he anorexic?

Odd conversations are the norm when it comes to my buddy Joshua.
And last night we were chatting about nothing serious and then suddenly we were; out of nowhere he says
"I think Mr. S. is anorexic. You totally nailed it with your comment about him needing to gain 5 pounds a while back."

"Um what?" I staggered. Joshua hates talking about Mr. S. in any way shape or form.

"I believe you are right. I never have seen him eat." Joshua is in the same business as Mr.S and has worked with him before as I mentioned here "He's one of those guys who eats like a model on a diet."

Okay, this is interesting. For whatever reason, Joshua decided he wanted to share information. He never wants to tell me anything about the business, having a conversation with him about wrestling is like pulling teeth. So what's up with this tidbit?
Then our conversation switched again and I just could not get another straight answer out of him. I hate it when he does that to me.

But that got me wondering about pressures society are putting not just on women any more, but the men too?

It's not as simple as it sounds

I know I should not let it get to me, but it does.
Networking.

Here on this thing. I know it takes time to build a blogging circle, trust me I have been at this long enough to know that.
So you circle blogs, leave comments, and hope they return the favour. Some do, some do not.
I understand having to have comments on lockdown because of spammers I really do, but it upsets me when I leave a comment for someone and sign up to follow their blog or at lest that post and my comment doesn't appear.

Silly, yes but it still bothers me.

That's happened more then a few times in the last few weeks.
I don't know if its a case of they didn't know me so they didn't post the comment (isn't that what the "network circles" are for meeting new bloggers?) or if they took a look at my profile and decided cause I am into things they are not that they didn't post the comment or whatever.

And some people are just stuck up no matter what. I understand that too.
It's just not as easy to break into the "cliques" that are out there on the internet.

Okay, enough of my pity party rant.

Don't do that Everyone is doing that

Photo by me copyright hcvp'07

I love vampires. I have my whole life. I have written more then one story over the years in the vampire genre.
I also write romance novels.

The novel I have been working on for the last year is a straight up romance. The kind you would have seen in Harlequin Romance 20 years ago. When I got hooked up in the mess that was the Local Author she told me to go with the vampire shorts.
I don't really write shorts. I write full length novels. But I listened to her when I should not. Big mess.
My sister the Goddess works at Chapters/Indigo/Coles the big book chain store, and when I told her what I was planning at the time, she scrunched up her nose and said "Don't do the vampires. Everyone is doing vampires do you know how many crappy vampire books I have to shelf every bloody night? Too freaking many. Honestly, it might sell but you would be forgotten in 30 seconds like a bag of greasy potato chips. No. Be original go with your romance novel. At lest the premise of that one is interesting. You'll get a sold fan base."

Here is the thing. The Goddess and I don't really get alone, so for her to confirm what I was already thinking, well slightly thinking, as I believe completely that the romance novel I am working on has more depth and a better chance at being taken more seriously then just a random vampire story.
Don't get me wrong, I have devoted my life to the vampire genre, but this is the exact time to pull back from that genre as everyone is doing vampires right now. The best time to show my other strengths and produce something little more then the popular culture is getting right now.
What I am seeing out there right now in the supernatural genre is like marshmallow fluff. Too sweet and will rot your teeth and your brain. Give you indigestion too.

Is it Saturday yet?

Everything was down this morning when I tried to log in to check emails. Google was not working for whatever reason.
That meant, emails and blogs were unavailable to me. And since everything I do is through google/blogger this was little on the rough side for me.

I have a schedule. Get up, take morning pills, have coffee while checking emails/blogs, meditation, more coffee while doing some housework, phone mom, work on novel including returning emails to investor and editor, make dinner, read or watch a movie, another round of coffee and emails/blog stuff, meditation before bed.

This today tossed my schedule out the window.

It was bad enough I had to cover Blog Partner's share of the work this week on the wrestling blog, and my own column is not really complete as the show was not available this week here, causing me to hunt it down on youtube. The person who uploaded it did a bad job and half the show is missing. That means, later in the week when the official website finally up loads it after all the replays have aired on tv worldwide I will finally get to see the show and do a proper column. The BP has not done anything the last two weeks, nor have they returned my emails. I think it's done for them. I'm not holding my breath on them doing any more work.
I know I'm ranting today, but I told them right off what I was wanting to do with that blog. I am looking to turn it into more then just a hobby.

Anyway, I heard back from my Investor and told them about the Editor. At lest that part is going a little smoother. That's for the novel. Working on the second draft now.

Last night's dinner was ramen noodles with asparagus tips and onion. Wishing I had gotten a photo of it.

Creepy Text

My text message alert went off. Normally Darius is the only one who texts me so when I picked it up to read it, I was more then shocked that it was not from him. I have no idea who it was from.

"UR Hottzz. CU @8"


I am guessing either some one mis dialed their number it was meant to go to.
It's bad enough getting messages like that from the dating site I am part of from random men, but when they start showing up on my phone I'm getting alittle on the creeped out side.

Still On About Caleb

A cigarette dangled from his bottom lip while he searched the inside pocket of his black coat for something. I didn't get to see what as he had moved on down the street by this point.

I was hanging a towel to dry over the shower rail when I spotted Caleb walking down the street. He stopped for a brief few seconds in front of my building. I had to run to the window and drool.
I am fairly sure he knows what building I live in so who knows if that was a planned stand still or not. I am half way thinking it was as he made a half circle just before moving on, his butt directly in view. And he's got the best butt.

I did mention before that he has a body like a WWE wrestler didn't I ?

Banner Makers and Drop Toe Holds

This should be misadventures in the course of doing a wrestling blog. I swear one more fight with the Blog Partner and they will find them-self in a Cradle Shock.

It was suggested by the Nurse's husband that maybe the blog needs it's own Facebook. I am thinking this would actually be a good idea.

Blog Partner does not.

I ended up pouring my anger last night until very late into making a long over due header and banners for the wrestling blog.
Things that BP said they would do and never did.

So today I woke up cranky and not sure I want to deal with BP at all. I might not log into the other account at all today. If I don't go to the other account then I don't have to deal with BP's emails. A large martini right about now would be nice, but sadly I am stuck inside still cause of the ice and have no money anyway.

4:15 PM phone

"So after all that the doctors said it's not Endometriosis. It might be her colon." mom said about a half hour ago.

My sister has been in and out of the doctor's for the last two and a half years and they still don't know what it is that is causing her issues. She spent the majority of 2007 in so much pain she could barely stand up .

Got into a fight with Blog Partner. Over what else but the wrestling blog.

Which I still need to find a header for that blog. Everything we think would look good, I can't do as I don't want any copyright issues from any of the wrestling companies or other wrestling sites.

Difficult when the things that would identify you as a wrestling blog are wrestlers images or a wrestling ring.

Someone told me my blog needs it's own Facebook. I don't know about that.

Feb 1st 2010

It's just after 10am here, and my sister the Goddess is sitting in the hospital today for day surgery. Her boyfriend the Married Man went with her. She's been having internal issues for the last few years, and they are finally doing something about it.
Endometriosis.
As I mentioned in one of my other posts, the Goddess got the worse end of the Osteogenesis Imperfecta. This is a side effect. I know it sucks to be us.

I realized I never described my sister the Goddess. The best way is to just say she is an Anne Hathaway look alike. This scene from the movie Devil Wears Prada is basically what the Goddess looks like. So just imagine Anne Hathaway with glasses.

Our mother even did a double take when she saw the film. I think that is why it's one of mom's favourite movies.

Ever since Anne Hathaway has become a big star, my sister has gotten more attention, and of course they always tell her that she is a look alike. Most likely why she's never single.

NO. NO. NO. NO

I hate it when sites are down. I did some stuff for an online women's magazine and sent the press agent of the author I interviewed to the site. Only it's not there.
I don't know if they are down for upgrades or if they had a computer explosion or ..... but it makes me look really bad.
Panic.
I know, there is nothing I can do about it but hope the issue is fixed soon. But still...