Plan and simple. I just can't handle seeing all the happy shinny couples right now. I get so depressed.
I spent 7 hours straight Friday night doing 3 reviews for the wrestling blog. Blog Partners' columns and my own. Starting to feel like it just isn't worth it. Starting to just want to give up.
But I won't. I can't.
Watched the BBC version of EMMA today. Way behind for my Jane Austen book group. Internet group.
It got me thinking. About homes, and what we put into it. Our dream vs our reality. I envy anyone who makes it. I mean that. I really envy anyone who can bridge the gap between the dream life they have for themself and the real life they end up with.
I am so far from my dream self. Not even sure what she looks like anymore.
I know one thing, my dream self never lived here in this crappy city. My dream self always lived someplace overlooking the sea. Like the coast of Newfoundland or Ireland. Not here. I have two very different dreams that I would love to find a way to combine. One is living the ultimate artistic life in some posh artist's loft with a studio and gallery, drinking martini's every night and married to some sexy photographer/artist, my books number one sellers.
The other one is married to a fisherman living in a small house overlooking the water, owning a little cafe/metaphysics shop in some little town, having friends over every Sunday.
Two very different dreams with one thing in common. Married to some hot guy who looks like Mr. S. or Caleb.
I don't want to think what Caleb might be doing for Valentine's or who he might be with. That would just depress me more.